My Reasons for Routines

This blog is a note for myself to read when I get criticized by other people (people who, I'm sure, have my best interest in mind) for keeping my children on a fairly rigid routine. "Slave to the clock, eh?" they say. When I doubt why I do what I do as a mom I can read this as a reminder for the choices I've made.

In a recent article in Babytalk magazine entitled, Routine Matters, Paula Spencer writes, "Child-development specialists tend to agree that babies thrive best on a routine. 'Routines are comforting. They're a stabilizing force in the life of even a young infant,' explains Will Wilkoff, M.D., a pediatrician in Brunswick, Maine. 'He learns to expect pretty much the same things to happen at about the same time in the same place and with the same people.' This regularity helps a baby to feel more secure, he says, and to gradually adjust his own body rhythms to predictable patterns for sleeping, eating, and activity -- which over time makes everyone's life easier. The first year of life is full of so many new experiences, being able to count on certain occurrences day in and day out is incredibly consoling for your baby."

I've come a long way since I started scheduling with Jackson and I have definitely eased up a little on how regimented I am with my boys' schedules, but I also know from experience that when I am too flexible with their schedules stuff tends to "hit the fan."

The number one reason I stick to a routine with my children is PREDICTABILITY!!! Not just for me, but also for them (as the quote above explains). However, it's nice for me to know what my children need depending on their routine. I rarely ever (I won't say "never") question whether or not my children are hungry or tired because I know the answer based on their routines.

Parental authority comes in a close second for reasons I schedule my children. Okay ... don't hear what I'm NOT saying. I don't view parenting as a "right" to rule over my children as if now they are my minions under my domain. Parenting is a privilege and an honor that I don't take lightly. Colossians 3:21 (NASB)says, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children, that they may not lose heart."

However, that being said, if Colin and I don't establish a routine for our children than who is likely to determine when they eat and when they go to bed and how long they play? Most likely the children. In my 10 plus years of child care experience (ranging from babysitter to nanny to daycare worker to mom) households where the children ran the roost were usually pretty exhausted households. I'm not stating my opinion here ... just my observations.

I've seen kids treat their parents like slaves, throwing tantrums in public and in private to get what they want. I've seen parents who are at their wit's end because they can't understand why their children misbehave when they've given them everything they've asked for. I've also seen those same children become more submissive and happier children when they begin to live on a predictable routine that includes healthy eating and sleeping habits (a bit more discipline helped too, but that's another blog).

Colin and I decided long before we had our first son that we were going to have a family-centered household rather than a child-centered household. Meaning we would establish a routine for our children that would fit into our family dynamics rather than reshaping our family dynamics to center around the needs of the child. Of course our family needs to make sacrifices for each other including the children but that's part of being a family and that does NOT mean the children become the central focus.

Another reason that I insist on scheduling my children may seem contradictory, but it is because routines make the times when we need to be flexible MUCH more manageable. It's easier for us to bounce back from a chaotic Memorial Day Weekend trip or illnesses if we know what our normal routine looks like.

Finally, it's been easier to have other people to take care of my children when I can tell them almost exactly what to expect. It's also easier on my children because they know what to expect even when being cared for by someone other than Colin or myself.

Again, I didn't write this blog to convince anyone to start putting their children on a routine. And I don't want to paint a perfect image of scheduling either. Establishing a routine for our children at such a young age is hard and frustrating at times. There were many times that I wanted to "throw in the towel," but for me the short term struggle has been worth the long term gain. Besides, parenting is just plain hard sometimes whether we put our children on a routine or not.